John Champa versus Johnny Raike

The sound of laughter fills the air as our video fades in, revealing Johnny Raike bent over in a laughing fit on a rooftop overlooking Tokyo. Johnny is wearing a lime green kimono and is currently holding up a hand as if to ask for a moment to collect himself, as he can't seem to stop laughing. Finally the Beautiful Nightmare manages to collect himself.



Johnny: "Finally. Fucking finally. John Champa's day of reckoning has come. No more running your mouth and never stepping up, no more stupid boasts about how lucky we are that you even know the name of our terribly insignificant company, no more jumping men after a fight and calling it dominance. Now you have to actually fight me. And I couldn't be happier about that."



Johnny glides over to a lounge chair and lets himself down, legs crossed and eyes sparkling.



Johnny: "Now, John, I'm excited. I'm excited to see how after the events of our last show just how you're going to come out and tell me about what a badass you are, about how scary GZW is, how you're mister Big Shot. Getting thrown off that roof certainly was a big shot, but not the kind you're usually spouting off about, huh? Didn't think so. Now, I'm expecting you to try and play the 'I'm so hurt' card, but obviously I won't buy it. I went three stages with Calvin Harris, recovered, flew to Japan, became WARPED Jr. Heavyweight Champion, recovered some more, flew to Louisiana, and beat Jack Nomad. I hurt plenty during pretty much all of it, so don't even think of trying to 'woe is me' yourself out of this; no one wants to hear it, least of all me. After all, I've been doing plenty of hearing. Hearing you is all I've had a chance to do, Champa. You've done a lot of show, but you've done precious little tell. Stop doing that."



The Hedonistic Hellcat reaches slithgly off camera and pulls out a joint, light up and exhaling a big puff of smoke before he continues, languid smile in place.



Johnny: "And, just in case you somehow didn't know, I'm well motivated. Hell, I've been throwing out the challenge to come and get me since day fucking one. You fucks didn't even try to get me when I was down and beaten, never tried to kick my ass in any of the many no DQ situations I've been in since your dumb crusade started. It got so bad I was begging Munin to just return the belts so I wouldn't have to hear your whiny voices anymore, Bowie damn it. But this...this is better. Now Champa you're going to have to nut up and fight, not ambush. Nothing I've seen of you tells me you'll be particularly good at it, and again not just because Press kicked your ass six ways from Sunday and left you looking like a bad piece of modern art. Probably something about high hospital prices, I don't know. You looked good lying among the carnage is what I'm getting at. Well, that and to say that I aim to go further than that when we lock horns. And yes, I know this match isn't a no DQ. I'm still setting the personal goal of hurting you worse than Press did. Think you can deal? Not that I actually care."



Johnny leans forward in his chair, hands getting ever more animated as he talks.



Johnny: "Way I see it, now that you actually have to fight us you're screwed. If you had had any ability to soldier through us, if you assholes in GZW ever though you could actually beat us, you have tried by now. But you haven't. You resorted to guerrilla warfare, hoping you could scare us into doing what you wanted. How'd that go? Well? Not so well? Pathetic and resulting in what can best be described as wholesale slaughter of your ranks by two fucking people? I seem to recall it was that final option. Something about that sticks out."



A mocking smile from the American Wet Dream.



Johnny: "But this is about a bit more than GZW versus Pure Amusement. I would have to be; GZW has failed at literally all of their goals so far. We aren't afraid of you, you don't have your shit back, you haven't cost us money of fans. In fact, we've been growing by leaps and bounds as you schmucks run around talking about a takeover and how we should just lay down and let you do as you will, because otherwise you'll destroy us. Seems to have rebounded back on you, huh? You fucks scared of us yet? Probably not, I don't credit a single one of you with that much brain power. Somewhere, probably in a physical therapy waiting room, I just know you're all stilling around continuing the circle jerk, talking about how this is a minor setback, how you're all still the terrors of professional wrestling. Say it as much as you like, Freddy knows I never believed it. And on Thursday June seventh, right in the middle of the Pure Amusement Arena, I'll show you exactly what that is. I'll show you who you should be fearing. I don't have Lady Munin telling me to be patient and let her handle things her way anymore. She did, and now you have to pay the piper in the form of this sexy little slip of a girly boy. That means I'm unleashed. That means all the day dreams I've had about dismantling GZW, and especially of destroying John Champa, can finally come true. It's time to make fantasy my reality."



Raike takes another big drag off his joint, seemingly trying to inhale the entire thing in one go.



Johnny: "I do hope everyone is watching this next show. I want it out there just what I'll do to anyone else who comes into my company, the place I helped build the foundation for and continue to build brick by brick, match by match. The world is quickly learning that the best action to be found in North America is to be found in Purity, Louisiana. Hell, it's possible GZW did help put some eyes on us in that respect, so perhaps Champa wasn't as stupid to tell me about all the money he would bring as once I claimed. I mean, he was stupid; the stated goal of his affiliated group was to take over Pure Amusement and punish us for the actions of our boss. But you might have been right about helping us get out name out there into the world. I'm almost tempted to thank you. Almost."



A smirk and a raised eyebrow from the Panty Wearing Panty Dropper seems to dare John Champa to do something about his lack of thanks. A final quick pull, and then the joint is clipped.



Johnny: "I can't wait to get back to the states. I have been this excited for a non-title match in Bowie knows how long. Can't recall the last time I wanted to hurt someone this much; Calvin Harris was close, but not even he reached this level of personally affronting. Champa fans, be sure to catch this one. Between what's already happened to him and the harm I intend to inflict, this could be his last match. At least for a little while. And definitely in Pure Amusement."