|
|
Post by sybyl on Sept 5, 2016 11:02:16 GMT
Hi there, and thanks in advance to whoever will take some time to read and eventually reply to this thread. Considering that this was my first roleplay in three months, and due to my working schedule being still crazy, it took me almost two weeks to write it in the few free moments I could find, I am not fully convinced by this Wounds I understand there might be an issue since most of you are probably not aware of what happened wih Jack Colter and Mikael, but before writing the follow-up, I wanted to ask your opinions about it, where should I improve and whatever you think about it Thanks |
|
|
|
Post by johnnyraike on Sept 5, 2016 21:26:22 GMT
It's a nice glimpse at the character, if a little vague on direction. Of course, vignettes often are and you've mentioned a follow up, so no worries. Even without knowing your BFW past you did a good job of catching me up as relates to your story.
Grammar is what's tripping this scene up. Some stuff is probably just typos, but I did find myself having to mentally change words to improve the flow. Stuff like took instead of taken, lits instead of lights. Just little stuff.
|
|
The Hard Core Society
PAW Camper
Equal Opportunity Hatred is so much easier than focused racial bullshit.
Posts: 53 
|
Post by The Hard Core Society on Sept 6, 2016 3:26:40 GMT
Hate to mirror anybody, but I share Raike's thoughts on the subject. Vignettes are meant to be vague and give you a taste of what's to come. The typos did bug me, but I'm proficient in typonese, so it's all gravy. Just gotta' pay attention to tensing and stuff. I make some of those errors all the time & It's the reason why you may see me edit an RP three or four times shortly after posting it.
Looking forward to what he does for sure though.
|
|
|
|
Post by sybyl on Sept 6, 2016 17:49:04 GMT
I apologize for the typos, I wrote this on my smartphone and copy/pasted it without checking for mistakes. My bad.
As for being vague, well that's the thing about Sybyl. Nothing about his past, nor his intentions have been revealed yet, though some hints were and will be scattered througout my rps. To be honest, this was the most personal thing about him I wrote thus far...
Anyways, thanks for the feedbacks, hopefully in 1-2 weeks I'll be able to come back full-time. Before that, get ready for part 2!
|
|
|
|
Post by AdamWolfe on Sept 7, 2016 0:01:51 GMT
Finally a taste of more Sybyl! Left me wanting more like most of your rps. Looking forward to having you back in full force.
|
|
|
|
Post by sybyl on Sept 17, 2016 10:49:18 GMT
Thanks Wolfie!  Well, again, any feedback for Crossroads is welcome. And since it's a returning mantra for both our characters, I will wrap up and post the story between Jack Colter and Sybyl |
|
