Post by admin on Apr 13, 2016 9:10:58 GMT
Alex you've been making great strides since you voluntarily admitted yourself last week. You show great signs of improving and have had quite an influence on the other patients here. At this rate I will have no problem signing off on your request for outpatient services. Just know that several things will be expected of you. Weekly visits to my office for counseling, AA meetings at least twice a week and you can't be around any form of alcohol until I think you're ready. Does all that sound good to you?
Sat quietly in a chair dressed in white pants, an over sized white shirt and blue slip on shoes was the young Alex Cross. He looked nothing like he did prior to entering rehab. His facial hair had grown out almost giving him a beard but the dark circles under his eyes had almost vanished. He actually looked a bit healthier than he had since joining the P.A.W. Across from him dressed in blue pants and a blue shirt holding a clipboard with his right leg crossed over his left was the doctor. With a pen in his mouth he looked over his notes before looking back up at Alex.
Yes sir. Thank you.
All right then, let's finish up this session and see where we're at. Have you had any temptations to drink since we last talked?
No I haven't. Since I got here the thought of drinking hasn't even crossed my mind.
What about your sleeping? Are you still having the nightmares Alex?
I did the first night here but since then I've been able to sleep through the night peacefully. No tossing and turning, no waking up sweating and no nightmares. I feel better than I have in a long time.
That's great to hear. How about this past weekend? Any problems?
Truthfully I pretty much stayed locked up in my apartment. I went out a couple of times but for the most part I stayed in.
No temptations? No desires to drink?
None. My head felt so clear I didn't want to lose it.
What about friends? Did you see anyone?
Alex leaned back in the chair as he ran his right hand against the back of his neck.
Not really no. A friend brought by some leftovers Saturday and Sunday but that was about it.
What about your girlfriend? Um...
The doctor searched his notes before looking back at Alex.
Munin is it?
She's not really my girlfriend, we dated for awhile before we had a big falling out last year. Right now we're just talking and trying to figure out one another, see how that goes before we jump back into a relationship.
Now she was the cause of your nightmares correct? I believe you told me in our first session that your fallout became very physical and that your nightmares are just you reliving that moment. Am I right?
That's right. The outcome isn't always the same though. When it happened she and I dusted ourselves off and went our separate ways, neither of us hurt in the process outside of our feelings. Yet in my nightmares sometimes she's hurt badly and sometimes she dies.
Just talking about the nightmares made him uncomfortable. He shifted in the chair as he avoided eye contact with the doctor.
Do you think a lot about that day Alex?
I try not to but some days it's all I can think of. That's usually the days I go out and get shit face drunk.
Have you talked to her about it?
We've tried to talk about it yes. I know that sometimes she has nightmares as well but not as bad as mine. She seems to be able to separate reality from fiction whereas to me it all seems so real. A couple of times I've rushed into her room just to make sure she was okay.
I see. Let me ask you something. When was the last night you saw Munin?
When I first got here. She drove me here and dropped me off, that was the last time I saw or spoke to her.
And when did you say was the last time you had your nightmare?
That first night.
And since that night you haven't had any problems? No desires to drink, no nightmares?
I know where you're going with this doc and I disagree.
I haven't said anything Alex. What conclusion am I jumping to?
That she's my problem. That she's the reason I drink and have nightmares.
Those are your words not mine. Which means you've obviously thought that yourself right?
No. I've worked hard to get back with her. It's taken me months to rebuild the trust I lost with her.
And yet here we sit. How bad off were you before you started getting close with her again? How often were you drinking and having nightmares?
When I was fired from GZW I was having the nightmares two and three times a week and getting drunk probably four times a week which caused me to get fired from EWC. After that I joined EW and was seeing Munin pretty regularly because she was apart of the staff so my drinking and nightmares picked up a bit but not by much.
Now how long have you been in contact with Munin since leaving GZW?
I stayed in contact with her over Twitter regularly.
And how were those conversations? I know at one point you said she was dating someone which caused you to hold a pretty severe grudge.
He laughed nervously as he looked at the doctor, locking eyes with him.
They were pretty heated. I think part of me blamed her for my firing from GZW because of who she was dating. When we split I knew that eventually she'd get with someone else but in my head I thought we would work it out and things would go back to normal. Then when she started dating Jericho Cross in my mind I felt she rushed into the relationship and it made me bitter and resentful.
And when you fought you drank. Would that be a safe guess?
Yes.
But you aren't fighting now correct? Things are good?
Correct. The only fight we've had since she let me back in her life was the fight that put me here and honestly it was something I needed to hear.
The doctor put his notepad down as he looked at Alex.
Listen, I can't tell you to not be around Munin. I can tell you love her and she means the world to you. At the same time though I do feel that part of your problem is resentment as you put. You feel she rushed into another relationship and that hurt you emotionally, whether that's the case or not doesn't matter. Not to mention you still can't seem to forgive yourself for what you did to her. Now Alex if you can't forgive yourself for your mistakes how is anyone else supposed to forgive you? We all make mistakes in life but we have to learn from them and move on in our life. My suggestion? First, take a vacation and go see the world. You're currently on leave so you don't have to worry about losing your job. Get a new perspective on life and see how you feel. Secondly, maybe put a little space between yourself and Munin for a bit and see what happens.
Alex was quick to interject.
One of the reasons I'm here is so I can get better for her.
And that's the problem Alex. You need to do this for you. Take care of you first and everything else will fall into place. I'm not saying you aren't meant to be together that's not my business. All I'm saying is give yourselves some time and don't try and force it. Alex I think that's what you're doing is trying to force things to work and if it doesn't move at a pace you're happy with you resort to drinking and that brings on the nightmares. Take a step back, take a breath and let it develop naturally. If it's meant to be it'll happen. Just don't force it or it'll never happen.
He sighed as he looked away. Deep down he knew the doctor was right even if he didn't want to admit it. He so badly wanted things to work with Munin that he was trying to rush back to her but she wanted to take things slow and let them develop over time. Oil and water.
Well I have no problems signing off on out patient treatment for you Alex. Just please call me any time of the day if you need someone to talk to. Until then I look forward to our next session.
He rose from his seat and extended his hand towards Alex who took it with a smile.
Take care Alex and I'll see you next week. I'll sign your discharge papers and they'll get you out of here. Good luck.
The doctor left Alex alone in the little room, his mind wondering thanks to the sudden silence. What was he to do? Forget everything he had worked so hard for and leave Munin or fight for her and for his health? Why could nothing ever be so simple? Why did life have to be so difficult? Two words kept running through his mind as he closed his eyes for moment, oil and water. The sound of the door opening caught his attention as he rose to his feet and left the room.
Sat quietly in a chair dressed in white pants, an over sized white shirt and blue slip on shoes was the young Alex Cross. He looked nothing like he did prior to entering rehab. His facial hair had grown out almost giving him a beard but the dark circles under his eyes had almost vanished. He actually looked a bit healthier than he had since joining the P.A.W. Across from him dressed in blue pants and a blue shirt holding a clipboard with his right leg crossed over his left was the doctor. With a pen in his mouth he looked over his notes before looking back up at Alex.
Yes sir. Thank you.
All right then, let's finish up this session and see where we're at. Have you had any temptations to drink since we last talked?
No I haven't. Since I got here the thought of drinking hasn't even crossed my mind.
What about your sleeping? Are you still having the nightmares Alex?
I did the first night here but since then I've been able to sleep through the night peacefully. No tossing and turning, no waking up sweating and no nightmares. I feel better than I have in a long time.
That's great to hear. How about this past weekend? Any problems?
Truthfully I pretty much stayed locked up in my apartment. I went out a couple of times but for the most part I stayed in.
No temptations? No desires to drink?
None. My head felt so clear I didn't want to lose it.
What about friends? Did you see anyone?
Alex leaned back in the chair as he ran his right hand against the back of his neck.
Not really no. A friend brought by some leftovers Saturday and Sunday but that was about it.
What about your girlfriend? Um...
The doctor searched his notes before looking back at Alex.
Munin is it?
She's not really my girlfriend, we dated for awhile before we had a big falling out last year. Right now we're just talking and trying to figure out one another, see how that goes before we jump back into a relationship.
Now she was the cause of your nightmares correct? I believe you told me in our first session that your fallout became very physical and that your nightmares are just you reliving that moment. Am I right?
That's right. The outcome isn't always the same though. When it happened she and I dusted ourselves off and went our separate ways, neither of us hurt in the process outside of our feelings. Yet in my nightmares sometimes she's hurt badly and sometimes she dies.
Just talking about the nightmares made him uncomfortable. He shifted in the chair as he avoided eye contact with the doctor.
Do you think a lot about that day Alex?
I try not to but some days it's all I can think of. That's usually the days I go out and get shit face drunk.
Have you talked to her about it?
We've tried to talk about it yes. I know that sometimes she has nightmares as well but not as bad as mine. She seems to be able to separate reality from fiction whereas to me it all seems so real. A couple of times I've rushed into her room just to make sure she was okay.
I see. Let me ask you something. When was the last night you saw Munin?
When I first got here. She drove me here and dropped me off, that was the last time I saw or spoke to her.
And when did you say was the last time you had your nightmare?
That first night.
And since that night you haven't had any problems? No desires to drink, no nightmares?
I know where you're going with this doc and I disagree.
I haven't said anything Alex. What conclusion am I jumping to?
That she's my problem. That she's the reason I drink and have nightmares.
Those are your words not mine. Which means you've obviously thought that yourself right?
No. I've worked hard to get back with her. It's taken me months to rebuild the trust I lost with her.
And yet here we sit. How bad off were you before you started getting close with her again? How often were you drinking and having nightmares?
When I was fired from GZW I was having the nightmares two and three times a week and getting drunk probably four times a week which caused me to get fired from EWC. After that I joined EW and was seeing Munin pretty regularly because she was apart of the staff so my drinking and nightmares picked up a bit but not by much.
Now how long have you been in contact with Munin since leaving GZW?
I stayed in contact with her over Twitter regularly.
And how were those conversations? I know at one point you said she was dating someone which caused you to hold a pretty severe grudge.
He laughed nervously as he looked at the doctor, locking eyes with him.
They were pretty heated. I think part of me blamed her for my firing from GZW because of who she was dating. When we split I knew that eventually she'd get with someone else but in my head I thought we would work it out and things would go back to normal. Then when she started dating Jericho Cross in my mind I felt she rushed into the relationship and it made me bitter and resentful.
And when you fought you drank. Would that be a safe guess?
Yes.
But you aren't fighting now correct? Things are good?
Correct. The only fight we've had since she let me back in her life was the fight that put me here and honestly it was something I needed to hear.
The doctor put his notepad down as he looked at Alex.
Listen, I can't tell you to not be around Munin. I can tell you love her and she means the world to you. At the same time though I do feel that part of your problem is resentment as you put. You feel she rushed into another relationship and that hurt you emotionally, whether that's the case or not doesn't matter. Not to mention you still can't seem to forgive yourself for what you did to her. Now Alex if you can't forgive yourself for your mistakes how is anyone else supposed to forgive you? We all make mistakes in life but we have to learn from them and move on in our life. My suggestion? First, take a vacation and go see the world. You're currently on leave so you don't have to worry about losing your job. Get a new perspective on life and see how you feel. Secondly, maybe put a little space between yourself and Munin for a bit and see what happens.
Alex was quick to interject.
One of the reasons I'm here is so I can get better for her.
And that's the problem Alex. You need to do this for you. Take care of you first and everything else will fall into place. I'm not saying you aren't meant to be together that's not my business. All I'm saying is give yourselves some time and don't try and force it. Alex I think that's what you're doing is trying to force things to work and if it doesn't move at a pace you're happy with you resort to drinking and that brings on the nightmares. Take a step back, take a breath and let it develop naturally. If it's meant to be it'll happen. Just don't force it or it'll never happen.
He sighed as he looked away. Deep down he knew the doctor was right even if he didn't want to admit it. He so badly wanted things to work with Munin that he was trying to rush back to her but she wanted to take things slow and let them develop over time. Oil and water.
Well I have no problems signing off on out patient treatment for you Alex. Just please call me any time of the day if you need someone to talk to. Until then I look forward to our next session.
He rose from his seat and extended his hand towards Alex who took it with a smile.
Take care Alex and I'll see you next week. I'll sign your discharge papers and they'll get you out of here. Good luck.
The doctor left Alex alone in the little room, his mind wondering thanks to the sudden silence. What was he to do? Forget everything he had worked so hard for and leave Munin or fight for her and for his health? Why could nothing ever be so simple? Why did life have to be so difficult? Two words kept running through his mind as he closed his eyes for moment, oil and water. The sound of the door opening caught his attention as he rose to his feet and left the room.