MAIN EVENT (Qualifier)

London.

“Winning is all I’ve got left.”

What can one create with their own failures? Apparently, a career. The ignorance of Anastasia Hayden wouldn’t let her call it a day. With the ever looming possibility of death, you’d almost think the option to cave in would be at an all time high for her. Instead, Ana finds herself fighting through her constant letdowns. But that’s not to say she was getting cold feet. The calendar hanging on her wall, December 31st was marked. Whatever arbitrary goal she set was met with that deadline. With a three month window, reinforced, there was no option of breaking through it and fighting on. The heroics were better suited for anyone else, but Anastasia.

Rehab, therapy, or medication. For a woman with nothing to lose, those options were considered degrading. All seen as signs of weakness. That was the ignorance of Anastasia shining yet again. She knew what she wanted. It was a simple despite the complexity that comes with death. All that remained was the hourglass with the sand pouring out. There was no support system. The life support plug had been removed weeks ago, now it was only a matter of time before she suffocated and choked to death. The thought alone was enough for a grin to form on Anastasia’s face as she let her head hang over the side of her bed.

On the floor in front of Ana was her laptop, her match from the prior weeks against Annabel Lee was cued up with her legal pad of intensive notes next to it. Her vision may have been upside down for the moment, but her thoughts were level-headed. There wasn’t any time left to settle with fear and overcoming her fear of watching her own tape had to be killed off before she could join it. Much like everything else, she had to tolerate the fear. Embracing it would just create unnecessary risks. And those risks would affect her plans, something that wasn’t an acceptable option.

Anastasia’s failures didn’t scare her anymore. With a deadline, she welcomed them. Each one served as a new lesson for her to learn. Not only was she ignorant, but stubborn. One could question the purpose of learning when there was a guaranteed exit from life lingering. If she kept failing, the only lesson to learn would be not to waste your time. But she didn’t like that lesson, she didn’t want to learn that truth. A narrow view in life. The unopened six pack that was resting next to her laptop served as her blinders. They would do enough damage to keep her on track.

2016 had proven to be a very interesting year for Anastasia. A year filled with false promise and because of it, an illusion was created. The greatest trick Anastasia ever pulled was making people believe she was good. When she took her break, it only allowed an undeserved wave of hype and excitement to form. But Anastasia’s ignorance, stubbornness, and her arrogance wouldn’t let her down. She rode that wave until it crashed into the shores of PAW. And instead of letting the incoming waves drag her down into the ocean, she fought. Stuck in the middle. Content with being mediocre.

Every wrestler comes across an existential crisis they must face. It’s almost a cliche. Fools would call it a rite of passage, but that’s stupid. If your career prompts you with a “make or break” scenario, you’re in the wrong field. And that deadly trio returned with baseball bats to cap Ana at her knees. She had to make. And she had an advantage in that department. Over the last few months, Anastasia was broken. There was no comfort to be found lying in her bed because the broken and jagged shards of her broken will were jabbing into her sides. Nothing cut deeper than the broken mirror of self-reflection.

If everything fell apart, there wouldn’t be a 2017 to recover. It was now or literally never. The end goal was split fifty-fifty. Make it out of the year alive or don’t. Ultimately, she knew that continued failures would only lead to one outcome. A preferred outcome, but not one worth venturing down with the greatest of ease. With one edition of Addiction gone, a failure, another welcomed a new opportunity for her. Anastasia wasn’t exactly entertained with the idea of a championship or something else. All she wanted was to win. With her life hanging by a thin thread, she knew she’d do whatever it took to win just one match. Just to prove herself worthy. And she knew there wasn’t anyone left to prove her worth to. Her self-hatred wouldn’t allow her to be proud of herself. There was no one there.

She had been deprived of success for so long that her stomach growled with anticipation of winning. The hole that was created by starvation would soon be closed. At least, that what was she hoped. Though, Ana knew how far hoping had gotten her in the past. Ignorance may be a recurring theme in her life, but even she could see that. Indeed. Awareness. Ana felt like her life was on constant alert. Because of it, she was aware of everything that happened around her. People had spent a small portion of their lives being aware of Ana and her emotions, now it was time for her to swap roles.

All they would see anymore is a wolf backed into a corner. The pack has left, the alpha female status never existed in the first place, and she’d be fighting until the very end before she was put down. The opportunity presented in front of her was the escape needed out of the corner. A qualifier. It wasn’t a promise, it wasn’t a guarantee. Ana didn’t care. All that mattered was that she’d be wrestling in the main event and she had the chance to start everything again. Annabel Lee was a failure, a set back. Jack Colter would be different. It was hard to tell if that was a lie Ana told herself to feel better about her impending doom.

The Crank Championship was only inches away from Anastasia, but it might as well have been miles away. Winning was the only option and she failed. There was nothing that could comfort her over that. It was a truth that she had to take at face value, no matter how sick it made her. No more room for her to bury something like that deep inside her skull. All of her demons would have to find their way out if she wanted to be successful. Fighting was the only thing she was good at. She knew that. It was what her entire life had been built upon.

Now was not the time for the foundation to crack. Even when it felt like the reaper himself was pounding on the Earth to rip apart the foundation below Ana, she had to stand tall. Too much of her life was spent falling apart. The glue holding it all together wouldn’t last long and she needed the wages to enforce it. The Seven Deadly Sins ladder match was the reinforcement. Beating Black Jack Colter was the reinforcement. So much time wasted tearing herself apart. The time for rebuilding was here. The reaper would have to wait. Just a little bit longer. And if there was something he had in excess, it was time. Plenty of it.

Lifting herself up from the edge of the bed and walking over to her closet, Anastasia pulled out her travel bag. Checking the clock, it wouldn’t be too much longer before it was time to make her departure. Her notes, her laptop, and her gear were thrown into the bag. Her entire life practically defined by three things. Fitting. Ana reached into the back pocket of her jeans and retrieved a packet of gum. She needed it to mask the scent of alcohol that was about to haunt her. Ana sat back down on the bed next to her bag and reached down, pulling a bottle of beer from the case. She popped the lid off with the aid of her bedside dresser and started to knock it back.

Five more for the road.

---

“I’ve become so familiar with failure, it’s almost like it’s been branded to me. I already got that weird vibe the moment I stepped foot inside of PAW...now I’ve got to carry this curse with me. I came in here with talks of being great. People were expecting greatness straight from the start. And that’s what they got. It wasn’t until the wheels started to fall off the wagon that everyone started to form their own vile opinions about me. I even heard Annabel Lee talk down to me last week. And maybe she was right. Frustration and disappointment is all I’ve been met with.”

“And so much of me wants to say this week is going to be different. This episode of Addiction will be the one where I realize my true potential and become the greatest wrestler to ever live. But that’s not going to happen. Don’t get me wrong now...it will someday. But it’s not happening this week. See, I had the chance to do it last going around, I could’ve been a champion. I could’ve finally lived up to the greatness that these idiots saw in me. Instead,I fell short. Again. The fucking story of my career. Anastasia Hayden, talented wrestler, but always falls short when it counts.”

“Well not anymore. I don’t have that chance of redemption just yet, but if I win...then I’ve got it in my sights. The same momentum that I carried into PAW is gone. That Anastasia Hayden is as good as dead. Now is the time to carve out a new one. Don’t worry, not much is changing. I’m still the best wrestler in PAW even if I don’t have the swing of momentum on my side. Every match I’ve lost...has just been by inches. That demonstrates just how damn good I am. But no one ever focuses on that. The simple fan just looks at the wins and losses. If I’m not winning...I’m not good, right?”

“And maybe they’re onto something. But it’s a good thing these clowns don’t run the show. Week after week I’ve been presented with the chance to shut up someone...and I’ve failed. My life in PAW has just become a broken record. And for me, that’s just not acceptable anymore. I’ve fought for the right to be here despite my failures. I’m not going to let them define me. It doesn’t matter that I couldn’t show Caroline that I carried our team. It doesn’t matter that I couldn’t shut Annabel up about my losses in PAW. And now, my past doesn’t matter.”

“I have the chance to be entered into the Seven Deadly Sins ladder match...that’s my chance right there. That’s the chance I need to erase all the critics and their words. They won’t matter when I beat Black Jack Colter. Right now, Jack, you’re holding me back from reclaiming my greatness. And that’s just not acceptable. We’ve got a problem and now we need to figure out what to do about it. Let me offer a rather simple solution since you seem to be the kind of guy who needs simple. We go out there, I beat your face in for a couple of minutes, and then I beat you. An easy ABC plan.”

“Just as long as you don’t try to get wise and call an audible, we won’t have any issues. I just beat you, go on to the ladder match, and become great. After that, you’ll have the distinct honor of being the person who was beaten by the new Anastasia Hayden. How lucky are you? When I’m beating everyone who doubted me...everyone who questioned me...you can look back and think fondly about our time together. I mean, of course, if the concussion I give you doesn’t tamper with that memory. Fingers crossed, right? So if that sounds good to you, then it definitely sounds great to me. What do you say, Jack? Don’t worry, I’ve already decided for you. You didn’t think I’d actually give you the option to back out, did you!?”

“Oh Jack, you crack me up. Fitting, since you are kind of a joke, yeah? But our formality will only last for this moment. I can’t afford anymore jokes. When Addiction rolls around, it’s put up or shut up for me. I’m tired of being deemed a loser. Even if it is correct. Failure just isn’t an option anymore. And now I’ve got to see if I’m worth PAW’s time. If I don’t beat you, Jack, in the main event of Addiction...then I’m just wasting everyone’s time. Including mine. I promised that I would beat Annabel Lee into the canvas. And I didn’t. I beat the hell out of her, but I didn’t BEAT her. I didn’t really understand the difference at the time. That was my mistake.”

“Jack, I’m not making that same mistake twice.”