Post by Kelsey Spencer on Oct 6, 2016 10:38:45 GMT
I can feel their eyes on me. Their cold, judgmental eyes. They're disgusted by me, and I'm sure I know the reason why. As you can probably already tell by now, I'm not exactly normal - I act differently, talk differently, even think differently than others. So when someone like me becomes deprived of sleep and nourishment, the wackiness gets turned up to 11; I start acting weird, even for me.
I didn't win. I guaranteed a victory in my match on Wicked, telling everyone around me that there was no way I could lose. I did. My spirit was crushed. That's what I get for being cocky and arrogant - that's how I got myself into this situation - everyone looking down on me like I'm a snake.
As soon as one piece of the Colonel’s delicious chicken is down the hatch, I toss the bones aside and instantly reach for another - before you can say “popcorn chicken”, it's practically being inhaled. Other KFC-goers are looking on, no doubt appalled by what they're witnessing - I catch a glimpse of Cross watching on from across the table with a similar expression to the old lady a few seats away.
Normally, I’d say someone with a healthy appetite was dealing with everything rather well, but not in this case. I can tell that her manners and code are dictating she be civil to me, although deep down she wants to tell me that the wrong person won. The eating, that’s a cover, she’s telling me that she knows I know she isn’t alright but that if she acts normally I’m in no position to ask her anything.
I take a sip on my Pepsi, I’d love to have something stronger to hand but last time I checked the Colonel didn’t have a liquor license. Nor did Kelsey particularly have the stomach for bourbon...or Coors Light for that matter. It was the small price I paid to hang out with her - no alcohol, cigarettes with a lecture, and, if I’m being honest, biting my tongue on occasion.
I could tell her she put up a hell of a fight, but she’d shrug, I could tell her that if the world was fair then she’d have qualified on merit, but we both know that’d be paying lip service to an outcome that was never on the table.
She thinks she’s hiding it well, but my background dictates I HAVE to be able to read people even if their body language is being disguised. It hadn’t helped she’d taken to Twitter after the match and wasn’t in a great place to be in charge of 140 characters going out to the World.
What's he thinking about right now? He's just sitting there, staring a hole through me like the rest of them. Have I done something to change the way he feels about me? The way I'm rapidly shovelling food into my mouth probably isn't the most flattering sight to behold, but I doubt that’s enough to change someone’s whole perception of me.
Wait… How does he really feel about me? We haven't discussed it in much detail since our match - in fact, we haven't really discussed anything in that time. It's not like I haven't wanted to talk about things, because I have - I just don't know how to turn feelings into words. Even if I did, they're not exactly feelings I understand.
I hate him. No, I don't. I can't ever hate anybody, it makes me feel like a bad person. I am upset with him, though. He stole my dreams from me and thought he could just patch things up by letting me stuff my face with greasy fast food. It's like a parent destroying a child’s precious toy and then taking them to get ice-cream as an apology. I should be wrestling for the Heavyweight Title. I work harder than anyone on the roster; I've sacrificed so much for this promotion, and I'm overlooked time and time again. If anyone deserves to be given a title shot, it should be me.
...That's just my anger talking. I shouldn't be mad at him, he probably genuinely enjoys my company. It's not like he forced me to go to KFC with him - I chose to come along on my own free will.
I learnt a long time ago that you were given two ears and one mouth and using them in that ratio would generally stand you in good steed. I can also feel the elephant in the room, the question of us bearing down on the pair of us with its pronounced silence. Serendipity is normally a word used to describe happy circumstances but I can feel that, at least in this instance, it might not always ring true.
I think about flashing a quick smile to her but would that be seen as disingenuous? Insincere, perhaps? I can feel my phone pulsating, most likely Twitter where it’s a toss-up as to whether or not it’s someone congratulating me or just Wolfe and Summer their right to tweet whoever they want. Finding out what one it is isn’t an option right now, it’d be a sign of boredom. I go to open my mouth.
“So….about ….us…”
With a mouth full of poultry, I'm unable to respond right away; it's partially coincidence, partially on purpose to avoid saying something stupid. While I'm chewing, I rehearse what I wanna say inside my head - even if it's wrong, at least it’ll seem right. Look at me… What am I even talking about right now?
“What about us..?” I nervously ask for elaboration, tossing another leg bone that's been picked clean into the bucket between us.
She’s playing it cool, partly out of apprehension, her response was the least amount of exposure possible; now is the time for the smile.
“Well, we can continue doing this dance whereby we both know how the other feels and we do nothing about it...or…”
I let the words hang in the air, if she’s going to play coy I’ll match her on that front.
Dance? Who’s dancing? I'm eating chicken here! Unless “dance” isn't a literal suggestion at all. It's not like I'm trying to avoid talking about the way I feel, I just don't know how.
Okay, so now he's smiling. What's he got to be so happy about? The fact that he's going into that Ladder Match and I'm not? Is he trying to rub that fact in my face or something? Here I am, feeling dead inside, and he's happy about it.
Come on, Kelsey - make your mind up already. Do you hate this guy or not? You obviously enjoy spending time with him, so what are you so scared of?
Oh, right… The heartbreak when it inevitably falls to pieces and he walks out of your life. Just like everyone else you've ever cared for. Maybe this time, things will be different? I've never been in love before. Not saying that I am now, but it could be a possibility. Life’s about taking risks.
Uh-oh, he's starting to get suspicious. Better answer him.
“Your feelings haven't changed since our match?”
We could do this all day, in fact - we’ve done this for months now. It’s the right time, if it isn’t so be it. It’s officially do or drop forever, I’m leaning in and not in a Sheryl Sandberg way…
Umm… What's happening right now? Is this the part of the movie where the boy and the girl finally make things official? I’ve seen love die so many times - Becky’s still depressed… What if that happens to me? I'm not sure I'm ready for this; I’ve never kissed a guy before… What if it sucks and he doesn't like me anymore? No, that's ludicrous…
If I'm not ready now, I'll never be. I have nothing left to lose. It's time to take that leap of faith and never look back.
I lean over the table to meet him half way…
...I cup a hand over her cheek as our lips meet
.
I didn't win. I guaranteed a victory in my match on Wicked, telling everyone around me that there was no way I could lose. I did. My spirit was crushed. That's what I get for being cocky and arrogant - that's how I got myself into this situation - everyone looking down on me like I'm a snake.
As soon as one piece of the Colonel’s delicious chicken is down the hatch, I toss the bones aside and instantly reach for another - before you can say “popcorn chicken”, it's practically being inhaled. Other KFC-goers are looking on, no doubt appalled by what they're witnessing - I catch a glimpse of Cross watching on from across the table with a similar expression to the old lady a few seats away.
Normally, I’d say someone with a healthy appetite was dealing with everything rather well, but not in this case. I can tell that her manners and code are dictating she be civil to me, although deep down she wants to tell me that the wrong person won. The eating, that’s a cover, she’s telling me that she knows I know she isn’t alright but that if she acts normally I’m in no position to ask her anything.
I take a sip on my Pepsi, I’d love to have something stronger to hand but last time I checked the Colonel didn’t have a liquor license. Nor did Kelsey particularly have the stomach for bourbon...or Coors Light for that matter. It was the small price I paid to hang out with her - no alcohol, cigarettes with a lecture, and, if I’m being honest, biting my tongue on occasion.
I could tell her she put up a hell of a fight, but she’d shrug, I could tell her that if the world was fair then she’d have qualified on merit, but we both know that’d be paying lip service to an outcome that was never on the table.
She thinks she’s hiding it well, but my background dictates I HAVE to be able to read people even if their body language is being disguised. It hadn’t helped she’d taken to Twitter after the match and wasn’t in a great place to be in charge of 140 characters going out to the World.
What's he thinking about right now? He's just sitting there, staring a hole through me like the rest of them. Have I done something to change the way he feels about me? The way I'm rapidly shovelling food into my mouth probably isn't the most flattering sight to behold, but I doubt that’s enough to change someone’s whole perception of me.
Wait… How does he really feel about me? We haven't discussed it in much detail since our match - in fact, we haven't really discussed anything in that time. It's not like I haven't wanted to talk about things, because I have - I just don't know how to turn feelings into words. Even if I did, they're not exactly feelings I understand.
I hate him. No, I don't. I can't ever hate anybody, it makes me feel like a bad person. I am upset with him, though. He stole my dreams from me and thought he could just patch things up by letting me stuff my face with greasy fast food. It's like a parent destroying a child’s precious toy and then taking them to get ice-cream as an apology. I should be wrestling for the Heavyweight Title. I work harder than anyone on the roster; I've sacrificed so much for this promotion, and I'm overlooked time and time again. If anyone deserves to be given a title shot, it should be me.
...That's just my anger talking. I shouldn't be mad at him, he probably genuinely enjoys my company. It's not like he forced me to go to KFC with him - I chose to come along on my own free will.
I learnt a long time ago that you were given two ears and one mouth and using them in that ratio would generally stand you in good steed. I can also feel the elephant in the room, the question of us bearing down on the pair of us with its pronounced silence. Serendipity is normally a word used to describe happy circumstances but I can feel that, at least in this instance, it might not always ring true.
I think about flashing a quick smile to her but would that be seen as disingenuous? Insincere, perhaps? I can feel my phone pulsating, most likely Twitter where it’s a toss-up as to whether or not it’s someone congratulating me or just Wolfe and Summer their right to tweet whoever they want. Finding out what one it is isn’t an option right now, it’d be a sign of boredom. I go to open my mouth.
“So….about ….us…”
With a mouth full of poultry, I'm unable to respond right away; it's partially coincidence, partially on purpose to avoid saying something stupid. While I'm chewing, I rehearse what I wanna say inside my head - even if it's wrong, at least it’ll seem right. Look at me… What am I even talking about right now?
“What about us..?” I nervously ask for elaboration, tossing another leg bone that's been picked clean into the bucket between us.
She’s playing it cool, partly out of apprehension, her response was the least amount of exposure possible; now is the time for the smile.
“Well, we can continue doing this dance whereby we both know how the other feels and we do nothing about it...or…”
I let the words hang in the air, if she’s going to play coy I’ll match her on that front.
Dance? Who’s dancing? I'm eating chicken here! Unless “dance” isn't a literal suggestion at all. It's not like I'm trying to avoid talking about the way I feel, I just don't know how.
Okay, so now he's smiling. What's he got to be so happy about? The fact that he's going into that Ladder Match and I'm not? Is he trying to rub that fact in my face or something? Here I am, feeling dead inside, and he's happy about it.
Come on, Kelsey - make your mind up already. Do you hate this guy or not? You obviously enjoy spending time with him, so what are you so scared of?
Oh, right… The heartbreak when it inevitably falls to pieces and he walks out of your life. Just like everyone else you've ever cared for. Maybe this time, things will be different? I've never been in love before. Not saying that I am now, but it could be a possibility. Life’s about taking risks.
Uh-oh, he's starting to get suspicious. Better answer him.
“Your feelings haven't changed since our match?”
We could do this all day, in fact - we’ve done this for months now. It’s the right time, if it isn’t so be it. It’s officially do or drop forever, I’m leaning in and not in a Sheryl Sandberg way…
Umm… What's happening right now? Is this the part of the movie where the boy and the girl finally make things official? I’ve seen love die so many times - Becky’s still depressed… What if that happens to me? I'm not sure I'm ready for this; I’ve never kissed a guy before… What if it sucks and he doesn't like me anymore? No, that's ludicrous…
If I'm not ready now, I'll never be. I have nothing left to lose. It's time to take that leap of faith and never look back.
I lean over the table to meet him half way…
...I cup a hand over her cheek as our lips meet
.