The place is Pure Amusement, the gaming area to be specific, where guests flock to various booths and stands, trying to pop balloons, knock down milk jugs, or put darts in the center of circles-- all in an effort to win a prize.
Two stoners wander aimlessly among the guests . They are newly signed P.A.W. prospect JAMIE WHEELER, and his side kick CHECKERS. They are both clearly baked.
JAMIE WHEELER
I call shenanigans. What you're
spewing is sheer conjecture.
CHECKERS
You can call shenanigans all
you want, mofo-- I am telling
you, there is some connection.
JAMIE WHEELER
Between the Mario Brothers
and the Ninja Turtles? Get
the fuck out of here.
CHECKERS
Yo, I'm telling you. Check it
out-- you got four turtles of
Italian descent. Michaelangelo.
Donatello. Rafael. Leonardo.
You don't get any more Italian
than that, okay? Four pizza-
lovin' turles. And where do they
live? The motherfuckin' sewer.
Jamie swats at the air dismissively.
JAMIE WHEELER
It means nothing.
CHECKERS
Hold on a second. Now on the other
side of the equation, you've got to
Italian Brothers. Mario. Luigi-- all
about the pizza, okay. And what's
their trade? They're motherfucking
plumbers, yo. They deal with sewers
all the time, constantly jumping down
pipes and shit.
As they continue to walk, it starts to resonate with a baked Wheeler.
JAMIE WHEELER
Now that you mention it, Mario and Luigi
are constantly jumping on those turtles--
Checkers snaps his fingers and points at Jamie.
CHECKERS
The motherfucking Koopa Troopa's.
That's what I'm talking about. There
is some kind of turf war going on, and--
Jamie is sidetracked by the sight of a nearby gaming booth-- actually, he is sidetracked by the sight of the familiar face working the booth.
Jamie's newfound friend ALLISON is working the DART GUN game. She looks bored out of her skull. Jamie turns to Checkers.
JAMIE
Yo, hang out here for a sec.
CHECKERS
What do you mean, hang out here for
a second-- I'm in the middle of unfolding
this grand theory, ready to unveil the "a-ha"
moment, and you're gonna take us to a
commercial break at a cliffhanger?
JAMIE
Yo, just be cool.
CHECKERS
Yeah, yeah, go do you're thing.
Checkers spots a nearby "Let Me Guess Your Age" booth. He rubs his hands together.
CHECKERS
I'm gonna go fuck with some
people and win some loot.
Jamie makes his way over to Allison's dart gun booth, and catches her off guard, plunking a five dollar bill down. He grabs her attention, with comes with a smile.
ALLISON
Well, well, well, if it isn't the
proprietor of the Wheelhouse
himself. What are you doing
out here? Shouldn't you be
training?
JAMIE
Training for what?
ALLISON
Hello? For Jake Orton?
Jamie squints, shrugs. He is at a loss for words.
JAMIE
Who?
ALLISON
Your opponent for next Thursday
night, you clown. You do know
you have a match next Thurday
night, don't you. I don't get you.
JAMIE
Oh yeah, what is it you don't get?
ALLISON
I don't know, you don't seem the
least bit interested in professional
wrestling.
JAMIE
That's because I'm not.
This causes Allison to chuckle.
ALLISON
Then what are you doing here?
JAMIE
It's a long story. Involves a judge,
some indiscretions, and some whacky
probation. Let me take you out, and
I'll tell you all about it/
ALLISON
I'm flattered, but I don't date pro
wrestlers.
Jamie is examining the dart gun in his hand.
JAMIE
Well, then I quit.
ALLISON
You can't quit-- you have me too intrigued.
JAMIE
Intrigued?
Allison nods.
ALLISON
Oh yeah. Big time. I mean, wrestling
is pretty big around here-- yo should
here how the people who come by
this booth are talking up your match
with Orton. So I'm left to wonder, what
kind of guy attracts enough attention to
warrant a contract with a pro wrestling
promotion who has no interest in the
sport?
JAMIE
A fantastic question-- one I would be
happy to answer over a couple beers.
ALLISON
And yet I still don't date pro wrestlers.
Jamie takes a moment to assess the specifics of the game that Allison is running. There are a multitude of paper targets set up about twenty feet behind the booth. Above the booth hang a variety of stuffed animals of different shapes and sizes.
JAMIE
How do you play?
ALLISON
Five bucks. Three shots.
You get three bullseyes,
and you get your choice.
JAMIE
I'll tell you what? I win,
I get to take you out.
ALLISON
And if I win?
JAMIE
Name it.
ALLISON
If I win, then I want video footage
of you actually training for your
match next week. Real training?
JAMIE
Real training? That sounds horrible.
ALLISON
I know.
JAMIE
You better be a good date, that's
all I have to say. We got a deal?
Allison thinks about it-- or, at least pretends to think about it-- when in reality, given his persistence and charm, she has already made up her mind. She nods.
ALLISON
Alright, you're o--
POP!
Before she can even finish accepting the offer, Jamie has fired off his first dart, sending it piercing through the center of the target.
Allison looks impressed.
ALLISON
What the hell was that!?!
JAMIE
My pop taught me how to
shoot when I was a kid.
ALLISON
Really?
JAMIE
Nah, I'm just fucking with
you-- my pop didn't do shit
with me. But I've always had
a fascination with shooting shit.
He fires off a second shot. Bullseye.
ALLISON
Boo! I'm being hustled over here by
a ringer. I feel so taken advantage of.
JAMIE
Wait until our date.
Jamie is carefully eyeing up his target for his third shot, when he is distracted by the sound of a familiar voice in the background. He turns to see that Checkers is nearby, getting harassed by KIP CALHOUN, CHAZZ LANDRY, and OREGON DAVE. Dave is holding a giant stuffed bong far above Checkers's reach, as Checkers jumps up to try to snatch it. The other stand by laughing.
CHECKERS (in the distance)
Yo, give me my stuffed bong,
bitch, I won that shit!
OREGON DAVE (in the distance)
You want it, then take it, Short Round.
Jamie sighs. He turns to Allison.
JAMIE
Maybe another time.
Jamie turns toward his sidekick, aims the dart gun, and pulls the trigger, sending a dart cutting through the air and finding a home in the left ass cheek of Oregon Dave, who screams in pain, dropping the stuffed bong.
All eyes turn to Jamie. He looks to Allison.
JAMIE
See you around.
Jamie takes off, as Kip and Landry give chase.
Allison calls out after Jamie.
ALLISON
You owe me a workout!
FADE TO BLACK